MY BEIRUT / random thoughts

the waiting room

Yesterday while driving home from work, my thoughts were about shopping or no shopping. During the day my phone beeped endlessly with enticing messages; up to 50% on your favorite shoe brand. 30% off on all new clothes. come and be the first to benefit from the sales… as we were the 2nd of January, I knew my bank account was happy and that I could afford splashing myself with “up to 50%” items and find stuff for my kids who seemed to be busy growing 1 size per month!

As trivial as my thoughts were at that moment, something tragic happened few kilometers away. A bomb exploded in Beirut’s southern neighborhood, blinding everyone around with its terrible light, site, noise and then silence. I cannot imagine what goes through the people around at that moment. I cannot imagine what they are seeing, hearing or feeling. smoke? sharp smells? raging flames? for a moment or so, time stands still. then chaos reigns. people start screaming, shouting, running…I don’t want to imagine.

Same moment. Two different levels of reality.

That was the 7th car bomb in 6 months in Lebanon.

Thousands of innocent (aren’t they always?) people destroyed and for ever scared. Houses, cars, shops, buildings destroyed. Dreams and hopes vanished.

Today I am debating with myself if I should go out dancing tonight with my friends. It feels weird that my reality was about entertainment while few kilometers away I know people are crying their loss, sitting by the bed of the wounded praying, cleaning up broken glasses, cursing. How can our realities be so far and yet we are so close. It is so surreal.

A friend once asked me: how do you stay sane in a world like this? how do you keep on living, working, sending your kids to school, while someone out there is planning yet another bomb. How can you just sit and wait?

That is when i realized that we (the Lebanese)  are all living in a waiting room. A place where we know something bad might be told to us or happen to us, a place where the unknown prevails. We wait for the next bomb and pray that none of us are in that street that day. We wait for Iran and the US to make their deals and stop tormenting us. We wait for the Syrian war to stop slaughtering its people. We wait for the Palestinians to finally get their piece of land. We wait for our kids to grow so that we can send them abroad to a safer world. We wait for the morning to rise so that we can start all over. we wait for the night to arrive so that we can shut the brain off and forget the horrors. All we do is wait. and wait and wait.

Meanwhile, we go dancing. We go praying. We go visit our parents. Who knows, maybe tomorrow will never come.

Beirut in Arabic; carved in concrete

Beirut in Arabic; carved in concrete

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